Chapter 67 Ayla Thanehasbeengonefourdays.IwouldbelyingifIsaidIhaventworriedthewholetime.IhadtomessageEricthreetimestohelpmewithmyanxietyintheevenings.IthinkIamafraidthatmytruesafetynetIhavefeltwillbetornto shreds.ThefirstglimmerofsafetyintenyearsandIfeel likeitisclosetocrashingdownaroundme.Heisstrong,andhisteam arefierce,butthefearremains.Kianhasbeenmessagingmeeverydayandstoppingbyintheevenings.Wemakesmalltalk.Heprettymuchjusttalksabouthimself,whichIamfinewith.Thelesspeopletry toopenmytraumabox
,thebetter.Tonight,hehasinvitedmetoseehisbarthatheownsintown.Iamnotterriblykeenon theideaofgoingoutaroundshifters, butheassuresmethatIwillbesafe.
Ialsoateafewmealsinthemesshall.Iamgettingprettygoodatfakingagoodfront.Pullingoffthecool, calm,andcollected.Underneaththesurface, however,is aconstantsimmeringoffear , guilt,grief.

Allundealtwith.Allreadytoexplodeoutofme atanymoment.Ihaveyettomakeanydecisionsaboutmywolf.Iamprettysurethatreconnectingwithhertofeelmymatebondisanecessity,becausewithoutit,IdontthinkIcanformanythingwithKian .IfI canfindawaytoreconnectandnotshiftaroundpackmembersthatwouldbeperfect.Iwouldhatetousemytrauma card,butselfpreservationismoreimportantatthispoint.Thesafetyofthepackas well.Theymaynotrealizeit,butifthepeoplethatkilledmyfamilyknewIwashere,theycouldcomeas wellandhurtinnocentstryingtopreventm
efromfulfillingmydestiny.OneIdontevenwant.
WhenIshiftedforthefirsttime,Inever hadtoopportunityto comeinto,mygiftings.Idontknowwhattheyare,iftheyarestilltherewithinAramana.Iknowthat isthereasontheykeptpoisoningme.TheyknewIwasgifted.Idontknowhowanyonefoundout.Myfamilykeptmywolfasecret,vowingto notmakeitpublicknowledgeuntilIwasoldenoughtolead.Thatdidnthappen.Someonesawsomethingandmyfamilypaiddearlyforit.IfI couldtradeplacesorgivemyselfuptopreventitallfromhappening,Iwould/ Theknockonmydoortakesmeoutofmyflashbackhell,andtellsmethatKianishere

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His cinnamonscentismixedwithsomethingalcoholic.I scrunchupmynoseasthesmellistryingtobringbackamemoryIdontwant.Alphasandtheirliquor.Itmakesthebadonesdoevilthings.Ianswerthedoorwithanervoussmile, andhesmilesback,gesturingformetotakemyarminhisandwalkwithhimtohiscar.IknowyouarenervousAyla.IknowthisisabigstepforyouandIamproudofyou.Wewillnotbe gonelong.Iwantyoutoseemyhardwork.Italsoisnttoobusyatthistimewhichwillhelpyournerves.
I smileandpat hisforearm.Thankfulforthethoughtfulnessaroundthetimeframeandcrowdsize.Icantmakealife formyselfinmyrooms,butIdontknowhowtoexplaintopeoplethatIcouldfreakoutandbreakdownatanymoment.Hopefully,Istayinchecktonight.

Wedrivetheshortdistanceintotown,andIgetoutandfollowhimintohisbuilding.Thecurbappealisnice.Kindoflikeajazzbar typeofestablishment.Itis,however,anythingbutNOTbusywhenwegetinside.Thereareshifterseverywhere.
Coupleskissingincorners,a livebandplayingmusicinthecorner.Thelightingisdim,andIamstartingtofeelclaustrophobic.ItisalrightAyla.Thesearejustregulars.Theywontbite.Itakenoreassurancefromhis statementandfindmyselfaccessingtheareaforpossibleexits.IfIhavetobolt,Iwanttoknowwhereandhow.