Stalked by my Professor Novel

Chapter 51 Fuck, it's cold out here. Damn dark, too. I'd be an idiot to stay out here much longer. It makes sense to be afraid of the dark when you don't know what's hiding in the shadows. But when you've lived with monsters most of your life, darkness isn't that scary anymore. But loneliness? It's not a monster. It's a poisonous fog that creeps in under the door, through the crack in the window, down the chimney. Odorless. Colorless. You breathe it in, day after day, and it seeps into your body without you even realizing it. When it takes hold, you don't even notice at first.

Until it messes with your mind. Convinces you that you're disconnected from the world. Alienated. Out here, surrounded by nothing but dripping trees and wet darkness, I feel it more than ever. Even at the party tonight, with giggling sorority girls all around, I felt it. When I couldn't join in the conversation because I had no clue what they were talking about. Couldn't share, because I hadn't experienced the same things they had. I don't know if there's a way to purge the poison.

I tried going to the train station in Ashwood Crossing during rush hour, standing in the middle of the hustle and bustle, surrounded by commuters. Sometimes it worked, especially if someone looked at me. Hell, it made my day if someone said, "Hi," and I got to greet them back. But on the days I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact, no one would say a word. And I'd leave emptier than before. I need to get back to civilization. Need to find life. Movement. Noise, and voices, and energy. Even the clusterfuck of the GAZ foyer is better than this...if I can avoid Thatcher.

I'm starting a new job tomorrow, but at this rate it's like I'm actively trying to sabotage my first day. First the drinking, now this? Even so, the stubborn part of me, the desperate part of me, the Riversider in me, wants to stay out here. She wants to-needs to-find Kai. She always thought of him as the antidote. I thought he'd be in the woods beside the campus. Guess a lot has changed in the past few years. Maybe nature isn't his go-to safe place anymore. He could be at a friend's house. He's got tons of them these days. I should turn back. But then I'd be letting Kai win. Fuck that.

I've always been a sore loser. Mostly because Kai was a bad winner, always rubbing it in. Gloating. Fuck him. "I know you're here, Kai! Show yourself!" Bluffing's all I got right now. Might as well lean into it. But hearing my voice out here just makes me feel colder, wetter, lonelier than before. What's the plan anyway, Haven? What are you going to do if you find him out here? Comfort him? Crap him out? Kiss him? Wait-why the fuck would I want to kiss him? Because he's such a good fucking kisser. That's one of my few happy memories since I started college.

This content belongs to finḑnovel.net Kai kissing me. Kai telling me he loved me. I know he didn't mean it. It was the drugs. But I pretended he was sober. That we both were. That what we had was pure and romantic and not at all fucked up to the nth degree. I'm soaked through. My teeth are starting to chatter. And my bare feet are so cold that all I feel is a faint stinging in my toes. The icy rain feels like needles on my exposed skin, my lips and face numb. Five more minutes. If I don't find him, then I'm getting the hell out of here. There has to be another antidote out there.

One that won't have worse side effects than what I'm trying to cure. I use the sleeve of my drenched jacket to wipe rain off my face. I can't even imagine what my makeup looks like. Melissa said it was waterproof, but I doubt anything that comes in a glittery rose-gold tube could withstand this deluge. "Kai!" Frustration strangles my voice. I hear a noise behind me. I whip around, straining to see in the dark, but with the rain coming down as hard as it is, visibility is at zero. "I'm not kidding around! Come out where I can see!" I swear I hear a low chuckle.

I might have brushed it off as imagination if my skin hadn't broken out in goosebumps right then. The body is an amazing thing. It can pick up on things our minds might be too tired, busy, or stupid to. An aroma in the air. A subtle change in temperature. The feeling that someone is close. And the instinct to run when it realizes they're choosing to stay hidden for nefarious reasons. My body tries to save me because I'm too tired, too stupid, and too fucking naive to realize how idiotic it was for me to come out here now. Kai just trashed my room, and I expect him to talk to me?

That we'll kiss and make up? There was a reason he gagged me so often when we played our games. I was chatty. Always trying to lure him into conversation. He was the strong, silent, violent type. ...what are you doing out here all by yourself, m'lady? You climb out your palace window again? Bet the king would pay a pretty price to get you back. You think that blunt knife is gonna stop me, m'lady?... And while he left many a bruise and scrape on my young body, he never went far enough to make me question-even briefly-if he'd truly hurt me.

Now I'm risking everything on the idea that he's still the same boy, when I know he's not. Who'd have thought Haven Lee would be such a soppy fucking romantic? Fuck this. I'm leaving. The puddles I splash through paint icy mud across my calves and shins. The smell of the forest intensifies as I crash through the foliage en route to the campus. A light beckons there. Open ground. Maybe even a security guard who could intervene if⁠- Someone lunges at me. I gasp, rear back, lose my balance, fall. Hard. The clack of my teeth smacks through my skull like a baseball bat, stunning me.

Roots and small stones dig into my ass and the tender flesh of my palms, muddy rain from the ground seeping instantly into my underwear. He's just a silhouette, but I recognize the way Kai moves as he stalks toward me. What I don't recognize is the rough, unhinged tone of his voice. "You can't outrun the bandit, m'lady." My body wants to go into freeze mode, but I fucking refuse. I flip around on hands and knees, scramble up, bounce off a tree trunk. Spotting a gap in the trees, I feint right, then dive left. My heart soars as I hear Kai's footsteps falter behind me.

Such a pathetic victory, but fuck, it feels good. "Leaving so soon, Miss H?" Kai calls out. His voice is so fucking close, my hair would stand on end if I weren't soaked through. I try to turn back to the campus, but Kai changes direction too, cutting me off. Fuck! I spin around, already running again, my jaw clenched hard as I realize he's herding me into the impenetrable heart of the woods. Not our woods, but it doesn't matter, does it? God knows how far they stretch, but I can only hope I'll reach civilization before Kai reaches me.

The only other option is to turn and fight, but I know he's stronger than me. That he can overpower me as easily as a wolf can a kitten. Out here, my only ally is the darkness. So I plunge headfirst into it, and beg it to hide me. But even as I'm running for my life, a fucked-up part of me is getting off on this. My heart is racing, and it's not just from adrenaline. It's the same illicit rush I used to get when we played this game as kids. Fuck, I've missed this. I've missed him. I could stop right now. Turn around. Let him win.

My legs slow for half a second before I force them faster, splashing through puddles, branches whipping my face. Not because I actually want to get away. But because Kai loved it when I fought back. When I made him work for it. His punishments were always worse. And, exhausted from the chase, I'd never have the strength to resist.