CHAPTER021:1DontWantToPlayThisGameAnymor… CHAPTER 021: I Dont WantTo Play This Game Anymore AnotherDelilah?Iask.
Youknow,shesays,shiftinguncomfortably.TheinfamousKnox,Finn,andDelilahsituation.
Thewhatnow?Iask,browslifting.
Victoriaseyesarefixedonme.
Iwatchheralso,notwantingtomissanytelltalesignonherface.Shessurprised:Shetriesto hideit,ofcourse,quicklyrepairingherexpression.ButIcatchit.Sheexpectedmetoknowwhatshesonabout.
AndnowImstucktryingtodecideifIshouldletheroffthehookorpressforthestorysheclearlydoesntwanttotell.ThethingisIthinkIalreadyknow.OratleastIhaveasinking,nauseatingfeelingclawingatmythoughts.
Butmymindrefusestowrapitselfaroundwhatshemightactuallybeimplying.
Knox.Finn.Delilah.
Therewasahistorybetweenthem,onemessyenoughto warrantapersonal,cautionaryvisitfromFinnsmother.Idliketoknowwhatthehellhappened.
DidKnox datehertoo? Mychesttightensattheidea.
Idontwanttobelievethat.
NotjustbecauseIalreadyfeellikeImtreadingoverdangerousgroundwithhimbutbecausetheideaofhimhavingbeenwithher…itstoomuch.Itstoomuchtangledhistory.Toomanyconnections.Toomanyoverlapsinplacesthatshouldneverhaveoverlapped.

IremindmyselfDelilahisindeedtwoyearsolderthanFinn.Shewasasenior whentheystartedtheirthing.Averysecretthing,healwayssaid.Iassumedthesecrecywaspart ofthe thrillforhim.Theagedifference,thefactthathewasbarelysixteen,andshewasalready legallyanadult.
Butnow,allIcanthinkiswhatifthesecretwasntjustaboutthem? Whatifitwasbecausesomeoneelsehadbeeninvolved? SomeoneelselikeKnox? Jesus.Mybrainfoldsinonitselfatthethought.ThisisanotherproblemIcantthinkaboutrightnow,orIsweartoGodmyheadisgoingtocombust.
YoudoknowwhoDelilahis,dontyou?Victoriaasks,interruptingmyspiralingthoughts.
OfcourseIdo.ShewasFinnsgirlfriend.ItdbeinsaneifIdidntknowwhoshewas,seeingasIminAshevilleforherwedding.
Victoriatiltsherhead.Thatsallyou know?Thatshewashisgirlfriend? ShouldIknowmore? Shenarrows hereyes.Notinahostileway.Justmeasuring.Hmm.Iveonlymetyouahandfuloftimes,Sloane,shesaysslowly,andIthinkyoureoneofthebestdecisionsFinnhasevermade.WatchingDelilahbehisobsessionforyearswas…exhausting.Judgingfromyourreactiontomyquestion,youclearlyhavenoideawhatthisfamilyhasbeenthroughtryingtosplitthosetwoapart.
Shepausestobreathe.
Iraisedmychildrentomaketheirowndecisions,tohavechoices.Iwantedtobethekindofmotherwhosupported,notdictated.Butsometimes…IthinkIshouldhavedrawnaline.Early.Firm.Onceyoustartlettingthemdoeverythingontheirown,itgetshardtotakethereinsback.
Istandthereawkwardly,notknowingifImsupposedtoreassurehershedidagreatjobraisingherchildren.Ipracticallygrewupwithoutamother.WhatdoIknowaboutmothering? Victoriasstillspeaking.Welostthingswellnevergetback.ThingsImightneverfullyforgivethemfor.AndasmuchasIwishIcouldexplainitalltoyou,itsnotmystorytotell.IfFinnwantedyoutoknow,hedhavetoldyou.
Mythroattightens.
Shekeepsgoing.Butdontbetoohardonhimfornotsayinganything.Sometruthsarehardertospeakaloudthanothers.VictoriasayingIshouldntgohardonFinnonlymakesmewanttogoharderonhim.Iveknownhimfortenyears.Iveheldhimwhilehecried,overandoveragain,aboutacatastrophicthingthathappenedinhislife.Whateverthisis,hecouldhavetrustedmewiththeinformation.NowImthinking,isthereanythingIknowaboutFinnthatisntDelilahrelated? Victoriamustbereadingthechangesinmymood,becauseshesays,Hecherishesyou,Sloane,Talksaboutyou 1/2 CHAPTER021:
IDontWantToPlayThisGameAnymor… constantlywell,whenhisfatherisnt around.JuliandoesnthavethepatienceforFinnslovelife.Youmusthatehertoo,Isuppose.Delilah.
Ihesitate.Ido.Finnsmyfriend.ShesbrokenhisheartmoretimesthanIcancount.

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Shenods,asifthatconfirmssometheoryshesbeennursing.
Good.Thenwesharethesamegoal.
Thesamegoal? Toseethisweddinghappen.Itstheonlywayhellbefree.
Idontanswer.Because,well…Everyoneseemsinvestedinthisdamnwedding.Theyallhavegoalsthatcontradicteachother.Finnwantstostopit.Knoxwantsthesamebutforselfishreasons.Andnowtheirmotherwantsanentirelydifferentthingfortheweddingtohappen.ThatswhatIwanttoo,butitsallbeginningtobecomeoverbearing.
Thisisntawedding.
Itsabattlefield.
Idontwanttoplaythisgameanymore.MaybeKnoxwasright.Peoplewilllovewhomevertheywant,nomatterhowhardyoutrytopushthemintherightdirection.
Iletoutabreath.Iunderstandyou,Victoria.WeallwanttoseeFinnendupwithsomeoneelse.Butwevebeenstuckinthisloop forsolong.Maybeitstimeweacceptthetruth.Maybehellneverbefree.Maybethisiswhoheisnow.
Shestudiesme.Judgingby yourtone,youtwomusthavegottenintoafightrecently.
Wedidnt,Isaytooquickly.
Right.Doyouhavesomeoneinyourlife,Sloane?Aloveinterest.Someone youcareabout.
Wheredidthatcomefrom?Notcurrently,Ireply.

Hereyessoften,andIdontlikewhatIseethere.
Iwantyouto tellmethetruth,shesays.WhydidFinncometoAsheville?YoubothcantexpectmetobelievehessooverDelilahthathecansitthroughherweddingandcheerasshewalksdowntheaisle.Somethingsnotright.Whatisheplanning? Umm,as hisfriend,anythingIsaywouldbeabreachoffriendshipconfidentiality.
Imhismother.Ideservetoknowwhatsgoingoninmyownsonslife,especiallywhenitinvolveshishappiness.
Well,ImkindapissedatFinnrightnow.Mightaswellsayit.
Hewantstowinher back,Ireply.
Victoriaexhales.Isuspected.How? Honestly?Idontknow .IdbedamnedifIrepeatFinnsearlierproposition.
Wecantletithappen,Sloane.
We? Shecomescloser.Ive beenquietfor toolong.Iwatchedthatgirlgut mysonoverandover.Iwillnotstandbywhilehewalkswillinglyintothefireagain.Iwantheroutofhislife,andyouregoingtohelpme.
Whydoeseveryonewantmeinvolved?WhydoIalwaysendupinthemiddleofthis? Shestepsevencloser.Iknowyou careabouthim.Yourekind.Genuine.Youddoanything tosavesomeoneyoulove.AndIveseenhowhelooksatyou.IsawthewayhereactedwhenKnoxgaveyouthatgift.Idontevenwanttoknowwhatthatwasabout,butitwasthereactionofamanwhospossessive.Andpeoplegetpossessiveoverwhattheythinktheyown.Iflinch.Youvegotthewrongideaaboutthisentiresituation.Idontmeanthisinabadway,butImreallystrugglingtofollowwherethisconversationisheaded.
Hervoicedropstoawhisper.Ithinkthatdeepdown,helikesyou.HesjusttoocaughtupinDelilahtoseeit.Helpmesendheroffonceandforall,andwebothgetwhatwewant.Igetmysonback.Andyou? Shelooksatme,eyesunwavering.
YoukeepFinnforyourself.