CHAPTER001:AHotNerd CHAPTER 001:AHotNerd *** ~~SLOANE~~ *** Ivebeeninlovewithmybestfriend,FinnHartley,sincewemetincollegetenyearsago.
ItsnotlikeIllevertellhimI havefeelingsforhim.Iknowhedoesntseemethatway.Heprobablywonteverseemethatway.
Rightnow,wereinhislivingroom,andImholdinghimtomychest,listeningtohimsob.
Thatdamngirlfriendofhishasbrokenhisheartagain,thethirdtimethisyear.
Icantbelieveshedidthistome,Sloane,Finnsays.
Irunmyfingersthroughhishair,tryingtoignorehowgooditfeels.
Whatexactlydidshedo?Iask.You stillhaventtoldme.
Idontknowhowtosayit.
Well,startfromsomewhere.
Mypatienceiswearingthin.Ivebeenhereforhours,sacrificingmySaturdayto watchhimdisintegrate.
Idontknowwhyhebothers cryingwhenhellbebackinherbedbynextweekanyway.Theydothiseverydamntime.
Ishouldbemoresympathetic,Iknow.Buttenyearsofwatchinghimchaseafterthesametoxicwomantendstoerodeapersonssympathy.
Delilahsnotcomingback,Slaone,hesays.Sheleftmeforgoodthistime.
Youknowthatsalie.

Itstrue.Shesengaged.Shesentmethisdigitalweddinginvitation,andIvebeenthinkingaboutrunningmyphonethroughameatgrinder.
Thatactuallysurprisesme.Engaged?Delilahsgettingmarried? Finnpullsawayfromme,andIcanfinallyseehisface.
Thestubbleonhisjawhasgrownpastthesexyphaseintosomethingwilder.Hiswhitetshirtisrumpledandstainedwithwhatmightbeyesterdays dinner.Iveneverseenhimthiswrecked,andthatssayingsomething.
Hefumblesforhisphone,fingerstremblingashepullsupthescreen.
Thenhethruststhephoneatme.ThereitisanauseatingrosegoldinvitationwithflowingscriptannouncingtheunionofDelilahCrestfieldandsomeguynamedHunter.Eightweeksfromnow.
Myheartskipsseveralbeats,aflutteringsensationspreadingthroughmychest.
Ibitetheinsideofmycheektokeepfromsmiling.ThisisthebestnewsIveheardinyears.Thewitchisfinally,actually,genuinelyoutofthepicture.
Poorbaby,Isay,trying tosoundsympathetic.Didyouknowshewasdatingsomeoneelse? Imean,itsDelilah.Whenhassheeverbeenfaithful? Youvegotapoint.
Ihandhimbackhisphone.
Ijustcantbelieveshesleavingme,Sloane.Hecollapsesbackinto the sofa,staringattheceilinglikeitmightoffersomecosmicexplanation.
Ifindithardtobelievemyself,Isay.
Myeyestracehisstrong jaw,hislips,theeyelashesspikedwithdriedtears.Ivememorizedeveryinchofhisfaceovertheyears,catalogedeveryexpression.Thisoneisnewcompleteandutterdefeat.
Itshouldmakemesadtoseehimsobroken,butallIcan thinkis,Thisismychance.
Theyvebeenloverssincehighschool,waybeforeIcameintoFinnslife.SometimesIwonderifthatsthekeytoherholdon himsheknewhimbeforeIdid,whenhewasjustaboywithafragileheart.
IvewatchedDelilahstringhimalong,alwaysknowingshedcomebackforanotherround.Thethoughtthatshesfinallycuthimlooseisboththrillingandterrifying.Whathappenstousnow? WhoamIwithouther,Sloane?Finnasks.

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YoureFinnHartley.Youllbealright.Ireachovertosqueezehisknee.
1/3 CHAPTER001:AHotNerd IcantbealrightwithoutLila.
Thereareovereightbillionpeopleinthisworld,statistically.Justpicksomeonenew.
Statistically?Youresuchanerd.
Hiswordshurt.Hessaiditamilliontimesbefore,hisusualteasingaboutmycybersecurityanalystjob,myloveforrandomfacts,andmycollectionofvintagescifinovels.Buttodayitlandsdifferently.
Anerd.ThatsallIamtohim.Notawoman.Neverawoman.
Istandabruptly,smoothingdownmyjeansandadjustingmyglasses.IllshowhimjusthowwildIcanbe.
Youknowwhat?Isay.Letsgotoaclubandgetwasted.
FinnlooksatmelikeIve suggestedwerobabank.Youwanttogotoaclub? Yes.
Haveyoueverbeentoaclubbefore? Hesitsupstraighter,someofthefogclearingfromhiseyesashetakesmeinplain Sloaneinherweekenduniformofjeansandafadedbandtshirt,hair initsusualboband bangs.
Notexactly.Buttherellbedrinkinganddancing.Ibetitwillbefun.IsoundmoreconfidentthanIfeel.Thetruthis,clubsaremypersonalhellloudmusic,sweatystrangers,overpriceddrinks.ButIdwalkthroughactualfireifitwouldmakeFinnsmileagain.
Aslowgrinspreadsacrosshisface.Great,hesays.Youreright.Ineedadistraction.Hestandsup,suddenlyenergized.*Illgoputonsomethingappropriate,andthenwellstopbyyourhousesoyoucanchangeoutofwhateverthehellyouhaveonrightnow.
Ilookdownatmyoutfit,suddenlyselfconscious.WhatswrongwithwhatImwearing? Nothing,ifweweregoingtoa librarybooksale.Hedisappearsintohisbedroom,calling back,Trustme,Sloane.LetsshowDelilahwhatshesmissing! Isinkbackontothecouch,alreadyregrettingmyimpulsiveidea.WhathaveIgottenmyselfinto? ~~~ TheclubiseverythingIfearedandworse.
ThedressFinninsistedIwearpulledfromthebackofmycloset,arelicfromacousinsweddingthreeyearsagoistootight,tooshort,andmakingmepainfullyawareofbody partsIusuallymanagetoignore.
Wevebeen hereforfortyminutes.

FortyminutesofwatchingFinntransformintosomeoneIbarelyrecognizethrowingbackshotsatthebar.
Twentyminutesago,hefoundagirlatall,willowyblondeinadressthatlooksspraypaintedontoherbody.Amber.Thats hername.
Istandawkwardlyatthedancefloor,nursingawatereddownvodkasoda,watchingFinnandAmbergrindagainsteachotherinawaythatshouldprobablybeillegalinpublic.
Her backistohischest,herarmsraisedaboveherhead,fingerstangledinhishair.Hishandsareonherhips,guidinghermovements,hisfaceburied inherneck.
Ifeelsick.Ifeelstupid.Ifeelpainfully,obviouslyalone.
Sloane?Finncallsout.Youcantjuststandthere.Dance! Idontknowhowto,Ishoutback.
Amberfrownsatme.Thenwhyareyouhere? Tokeepaneyeon mybestfriend.
Likeachaperone? Yes,Isay.Incaseyoutrytosliphimaroofie orsomething.
Finnlooksembarrassed.Justignoreher,hesaystoAmber,hisarmtighteningaroundherwaist.Shesacontrolfreak.
Ambersnorts.Morelikeyourmom.
Bigsisterwouldbemoreappropriate,Finncorrects.
Amberseyesrakeovermeinawaythatmakesmyskinprickle.Sheshotthough,withherbangsandscrewmeglasses.Ahotnerd.
Finngrimaces.Thatsnotaverycomfortableimage.
Comeon.Dontyouseeit? CHAPTER001:AHotNerd Seewhat? Youdontfindhernerdishvibesstimulating? Finnisthankfullyavoidingmyeyes.Moredancing,lesstalking.
Seriously?YourenotevenalittletemptedtoseeSloanenaked?