CHAPTER072:TheTripToTheStation Neverinthehistoryofapersonsayingdontfreakoutrightbeforedropping freakoutworthynewshasiteveractuallystoppedanyonefromfreakingoutEspeciallynotwhenthebombbeingdroppedisyourboyfriendannouncingoutofnowherethathehasawife Imfreakingout.
Iamso,so,freakingout.
Everynerveinmy bodyisbuzzing like itsbeenpluggedintoanelectricfence.Mychestfeelstight,mythoughtsareaffovertheplace,andmybrainistryingtorebootlikesomeonejustyanked the powercordoutandjammeditbackinagain.Becausewhatthehelldidhemeanby, Shesmywife ? Knoxisleadingmeoutofthebuilding,handclampedaroundminelikehesafraidIllrunotherwise Backinthatprivatebooth,IdscreamedathimforanswersnakedandshakingandKnoxgavemethisfalsecalm.Saidhe dexplaineverythingonthewaytothestation.Thatweneededtogo.Thatnowwasntthetim
e.
Ididntbuyit,butIlethimthinkIdid.
Igotdressedandlethimholdmyhandallthewayoutoftheringandintotheelevator,tryingtobepatient.Butthemomentthedoorsslideopenandwereabovegroundagain,Iyankmyhandfreeandstartwalkingfast Bunny,Knoxsaysbehind me.Hisfootstepspickup.Thenhishandwrapsaroundmyarm.Dontmakeascene.
Dontmakeascene? 1twistmyheadtoglareathimjustaswepass thebouncer,whonods.
Haveagoodnight,Storm,theguysays,likenoneofthisisweird.Hesprobablyseenthisexactsceneplayoutamilliontimesinthisplace.
Knoxpullsmealonguntilwereoutside,andtheheavymetaldoorslamsbehindus.
Theairoutsideiscool.Muchquieterthanthechaosbackunderground.
Wemake itallthewayto thecarbeforeIloseallmyselfcontrol,turningtofacehim.
Isthisagoodenoughspottomakeascene,Knox?Iask.
Hesighs,steppingcloser.Itsnotwhatyou think,Ipromise.
Oh?BecausewhensomeonesaysIhaveawifeto hisgirlfriend,itusuallymeanstheyhaveawife.Itsnotthatcomplicated.
Itscomplicated,hesaysquietly.Itsnotexactlyamarriage.Itsafavor.
Ilaughwithoutmeaningto.Afavor?Imsupposedtobelievethatyouthe man whodoesntgiveafuckaboutanyonebuthimselfmarriedsomeoneasa favor? Hishandscomeupslowly,fingersslidingintomyhairwiththekindofquiet tendernessthatcatchesmeoffguard.
Thenhisforeheadrestsagainstmine,breathmixingwithmine.Hiseyesareclosedlikehestryingtogathertherightwords,ormaybehesjusthopingIllstopshaking.

Thatsnotright,baby,isit?hesays.Thismanwhodoesntgiveafuckaboutanyonegivesafuckaboutyou.
Iholdmybreath,tryingsohardnottogiveinto hissweetwords,nottosoftenintojelly andcollapseinhisarms.
Justgetinthecar,Sloane.Illexplaineverythingontheway.IdontwantSoraya sittinginthatstationanylongerthannecessary.
Atthementionofthatname,mymoodresetstosquareone.
Ipushhimback.Hardenoughtomakehimstumblealittle.
Yourepissingmeoffmore,Knox.
Illmakeituptoyou,hesays,hisvoicecoaxing.Justnameit.
Idigintomypurse,myfingers fumblingthroughlipsticktubes,receipts,andloosechangeasIfishoutmykeys.ThekeysfeellikerazorswhenIfinallyfindthem.
Withouteventhinking,Iripthemoutandslapthemagainsthischest.
TheresnofuckingwayImdrivingyoutogoseeyourwife,Isay,voicetight.Youdrive.
Idontwaittoseehisreaction.Ispinonmyheelandmarcharoundtothepassengerside,myheelscrunchingagainstthegravel.
IswearIhearhimchucklingunderhisbreath.
CHAPTER072:TheTripToTheStation ThemomentImseatedandbuckledin,Iturntoglareathimasheclimbsintothedriversseat.IdontsayawordIdontneedto.Everyinchofmyposturescreams,Youbetterstartexplaining,orIsweartoGod… Themomenthesin,hegroans.Hiskneesjamawkwardlyagainstthedash,theseattoofarforwardforhislonglegs.Withagrunt,hereachesdownandyankstheadjustment lever,draggingtheseatback.Hishandslapsthewheelashefinallyfindsapositionthatsuitshim.
Thenhesettlesbackwithasighandstartstheengine.Hestaresstraightahead,refusingtomeetmyeyes.
Iwatchhim.Tenseconds.Twenty.Icountthemdowninmyheadlike atickingbomb.
Themoreyouprolongthis,Isayslowly,themoremurderousIget.
Whoareyougoingtokill,Bunny?hesays.Me?Willyou stranglemetodeath?Thatwouldbeabeautifulwaytodie,bytheway.

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Donttestmypatience,Knox.
Hesstill smiling.
Whatthehellissofunny? Inarrowmyeyes,barelyrestrainingtheurgetoreachacrosstheconsoleandyankthewheelofftheroad.ButbeforeIcanactonmyintrusivethoughts,hespeaks.
WhenIwasoverseas,hesays,Igotcaptured.Ivetoldyouthisbefore.
Idontrespond.Ijustlookathim.
ThoseweeksIspentinthatcampwerethemosthorribledaysofmyentirelife.IenlistedwhenIwaseighteenand servedforalmosteightyears,throughthickandthin,butthatwasmybreakingpoint.Nosunlight.Barelyanyfoodorwater.Nocleanair.Justcoldstone,chains,pain,andthe soundofpeoplescreaming.
Hisvoiceissteady,buttheresanedgetoit.Astrain.
Icouldntmove.Couldntsleep.Iremember chewingonmyownshirtjusttotrickmystomachintothinkingithadsomethinginit.
Thecarturnsonto a busierroad,andIstaysilent,throattight.Idontknowifthisisabouthiswifeorifhessayingthistocalmmedownbutitsworking.Itssoworking.Myangerissofteninglikewetpaper.Ididntexpectthis.Didntexpecthimtoletmeinlikethis.
Therewasaman,he continues,fingersflexingonthesteeringwheel.Hecameeveryfewdays.Ididntknowhowoften,reallytherewasnosenseoftimeinthere.Buthedcome.Dropalittlefood.Alittlewater.Watchmeeat.Thensneakthewrappersout.Ifigured hewastakingarisktosneakthoseitemsin.
Heswallowshard.
Oneday,hehelpedmeescape.Guessthefoodwashiswayofstrengtheningmeenoughtorun.Hisjawistight.Butbeforehe helpedme,hetoldmewhatitwouldcosthim.Hesaidthesecondtheyrealizedwhatheddone,hewasdead.Noquestion.So,Ihadapricetopay.Hemademememorizeanumber,toldmehisdaughterhadsmuggledherselfintotheUS,toldmetofindher.Take careofher.Giveherabetterlife.Thatwasthedebt.
Hisknucklesgowhiteonthewheel.
SowhenIgotbackhome…Ifoundher.Soraya.AndImarriedher.Wevebeen marriedforfiveyears.
IdontknowifIshouldsayanything.My lipspart,thenpressbacktogether.Thecarisquietnow,saveforthehumoftheengineandthefaintwhistleofwindsneakinginthroughtheclosedwindows.Knox hasntsaidanotherword.Hisgriponthesteeringwheelhasloosenedabit,buttheresstillatightnessinhisshoulders,likehesholding something in,ormaybehesemptieditallout.
Andthatsthething.Ithinkhehas.
Thatpause,thewayhelethisvoicetrailoffittellsmehessaidallhewantstosay.

Iguessitsmyturntospeak.
Thatwasverybraveofyou,Isay.Whatyoudidforher.
Imadeapromise.Ikeepmypromises.IdontthinkIveevertoldanyonethatstoryoutloud.OnlyYara.Endlesshoursoftherapyhavetaughtmehowto putthoseeventsintowords,Iguess.Heturnstome.Iwouldnevercheatonanyone,Sloane.Itsnotinmynature.
Butyourestillmarriedtoher.
Onpaper,yeah.
Fiveyears isenoughtimetogetagreencard,isntit? Shehasit.
CHAPTER072.TheTripToTheStation Somakemeunderstandwhyyourestillmarried.
Thecarslowsataturn,hisfootglidingoverthebrake.
Idontknow,hesays.Shesaidwehadtostaymarriedforawhile.Justtobesafe.AndIdidntseeareasontopushit.Iwasntplanning onmarryinganyoneelse.
Adozenthoughtsflythroughmyhead,fastandintrusive.Whatifshedoesntwantadivorceatall?Whatifshewantstostaymarried?Whatifshesnotjustbeingcarefulassheclaimsbutinlove? Icantvoicethosethoughts.Theydsoundstupidoutloud.Buttheysitthere,doingtheirjobofmakingmedoubtful.
Iremainsilentfortherestofthedrive.SodoesKnox.
Theprecinctcomesintoview.
Justbeforewereachtheparkinglot,Iaskquietly,Soyou andhernever…you know .Hadathing? Knoxscoffsandlooksatme.
Yourealwayssocutewhenyourejealous.
Imnotjealous,Imutter.UnlesstheresareasonIshouldbe.
Hechucklesashepullsintoaparkingspotandcutstheengine.Comeon,hesays.Whenwego in,youcanaskheryourself ifwevehadsex.
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