IhadalwayswantedtogotoParis.
Inthebeginning,Joeyalsosaid,Willa,whenwehavetime,letsgotoParisforourhoneymoon.
Butbothofourjobsweresobusythattheideaofahoneymoonwaspushedasideandforgotten Butthatsokay.AfterIgetthedivorcecertificate,IcangoanywhereIwantbymyself.
AssoonasIsuccessfullyboughttheplaneticket,Joeycamehome.
Henaturallywalkedintotheroom,touchedmyforehead,andaskedsoftly,Isthefevergone?Doyoustillfeelbad? Verynaturally,Joeydidntmentionwhenheleft.
Ialsodidntaskhimwherehewent.
Ijustpursedmylipsandsubconsciouslyasked,If yourenotfeelingwell,willyoustaywithmeallthetime? Joeywasstunnedforamoment,seeminglynotexpectingmetoaskthis.
BecauseI wasalwaysindependentandstrong.Hemighthavebeenused toit.Nomatterwhatheaskedme,Iwouldalwayssay,Itsokay.
Inaturallydidntexpecthisanswer.
Becauseinfact,IwantedtoaskJoeymore.
Isittiringtoshuttlebetweentwowomenallthetime? Lookingathistightlips,Itookadeepbreathandsaid,Justkidding.Idontneedyoutostay withmeallthetime.

Joeysfacechanged,andthenhestifflyraisedhisarmandhuggedmeintohisarms,Weareamarriedcouple.How couldInotstaywithyou? Iwillstaywithyouuntilourhairturnswhiteandwesharethesamegrave.
Heheldmetightlyasifhewantedtomeltmeintohisbody.
Ifitwere before,Imighthavebeenverymoved.
Butnow,IhavebeendisappointedbyJoeytoomanytimes.Iusedtobelieveinthiskindofoath.Butnow,Iwontbelieveitanymore.
Asexpected,thenextday,Joey onlysatathomeforawhileandthenfoundanexcusetogoout.
Afterheleft,Ialsowenttothehospitaltopreparefortheoperation.
21:50 99BloodyLashesAndABulletToHisHeart 62.2% Chapter4 IdidntexpectthatwhenIwasdiscussingtheabortionplanwithmycolleagues,IwouldrunintoJoeyandStacyagain,whocameforacheckup.
Thetwoofthemweresittingonabenchinthehospital.
StacywaslookingforwardtotouchingherbellyandoccasionallytalkingtoJoey.
Joeyssharpeyebrowssoftened,andheoccasionallyresponded,whichwascompletelydifferentfromhisusualindifferencetome.
Thecolleaguesaround mealsonoticedandcouldnthelpbutsigh,Withparentslikethis,theirchildislikelytobeverygoodlooking.
Probably.

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Myheartfeltlikeitwasprickedbyaneedle.Iturnedaroundandenteredtheoperatingroomwithmycolleagues.
Afterfinishingthepreoperativeexamination,mycolleaguetoldme,Thebabyisveryhealthy.Youshouldtalktothebabysfatheragain.Dontregretitaftertheabortion.
Regret? IfJoeywouldregretit,hewouldntbeaccompanyingStacyfor acheckupatthistime… Ishookmy head,tooktheabortionform,andsignedonthefamilymemberscolumnbymyself.
Whenthelaststrokewasfinished,myhandwastremblinguncontrollably.
Halfanhourlater,Ilayonthecoldoperatingtable,watchingmycolleaguesuseadilatortoopentheentranceand stirthebabytopieceswithaninstrumentbeforesuckingitout.
AlthoughIwas givenanesthesiaanddidntfeelanypain,myheartfeltlikeitwasbeingstirred.
Tearsflowedfrommyemptyeyesdropbydrop.
ItseemedthatIheardacutebabycryinghelplesslyinmyear:Mommy… Whenthelaststepofscrapingtheuteruswasdone,itfeltlikemyheartwasscrapedemptyinaninstant.
IcouldclearlyfeelthatthelastbondbetweenJoeyandme wasgone.
JoeyandIhadnowaytoturnback.
Iclosedmyeyesandletthetearswetthepillow.
Afterbeingnumbinthehospitalforawholeday,Joey,whosaidhewouldstaywithme,disappearedforawholeday.

Intheevening,Ienduredthepainandgotuptogohomebymyself.
62.5% And.ADullatToHisHeart Chapter4 Unexpectedly,assoonasIcameoutofthehospital,IsawJoeywaitingatthehospitalentrance,holdingabigbunch ofroses.
Seeingmecomeout,Joeyhandedtherosestomeandsaid,Honey,happyanniversary.
Ilookedattheflowersandgotintothecarinsilence.
Inthepast,wheneverJoeyandImet,Iwouldchatteraboutthethingsthathappenedinthehospitalandthegossipinthehospital.
NowIdontspeak,andthecarisfilledwithsilence.
Joeywasalittlerestless.Atthetrafficlight,herarelytooktheinitiativetoaskme,Ididntprepareagiftfortheanniversarythistime.Isthereanythingyouwant?.
Inthepast,Iwantedalotofthings,buteverytimeIexcitedly toldJoey,hisresponsewasverycold.
Gradually,Ialsolostthedesiretotellhim.
Ilookedstraightatthewindowandsaid,Isigned upforaparentingcoursefornewparents.Canyouaccompanymetotheclass? Joeyfrownedandtightenedthesteeringwheel,explaining,ImjustfriendswithStacy.Dontthinktoomuchanddontbeunhappy.
Ididntspeakandjustlightlyreplied,Okay.
JoeydidntexpectthatIdidntcareatall,andhisexpressionalsoturnedcold,Thenwhydidyousignupforsucha class? ་