CHAPTER020 CHAPTER 020 OLIVIASPOV Yeah,aboutthat…Juliansaid,hisvoicetrailingoff.
Inoticedthewayhisexpressionshifted,his usuallyrelaxeddemeanorturningsomewhattense.Itwassubtle,butIcaughtit.Isuddenly oghesitantabout pressing further.Ifitwassomethingpainfulforhim,Ididntwanttopush.
Ifyoudontwanttotalkaboutit,Iunderstand,Isaidsoftly.
Julianletoutasmallbreathandshookhishead.Itsokay.Thethingis…shesdead.
Hearingthosewordscomeoutofhismouthmademegasp,myeyeswideninginshock.Ihadntexpectedthat.Ithoughtmaybeshehadcutties withthefamilyorsomethingalongthoselinesbutdeath?That wassomethingIwasntpreparedfor.
Imsosorrytohearthat,Isaid,myvoicegentle Juliangavemeasmall,almostreassuringsmile.Itsbeenalongtimenow, soImgood.
ButevenashesaidthatIcould tell he wasntcompletely overit.Therewasacertainweightbehindhiswords,onethat lingeredevenifhetriedtoplayitoff.
Awhileback,whenIwasstillyounger,myfamilyandI,including mysister…weallwenton askiingtrip,hebegan.His voice remainedsteady,butthere wasaslightedgetoit.Wegotthere,andascuriousas shewas,shewanderedoffonherown.Atfirst,wethoughtshewasjustexploring,butwhenshedidntcomeback…westartedsearching.Wesearched theentireplace,calledthepolice,hiredprivateinvestigators…wedideverything.Butstill,we couldntfindher.
Ilistenedintently,myheartachingatthethoughtofwhathisfamilymusthavegonethrough.
Lawenforcementandmyparentspresumedshewasdead,butI stillfeelshesouttheresomewhere,hesaid.Hisgazedriftedtothe groundforamomentasifhewaslostinthought.

Whatwashername?Iaskedgently.
Julianletoutasmallchuckle,thoughtherewasahintofsadnessbehindit.Olivia.
Iblinked insurprise.Really? Yeah,hesaid,nodding.
Itwasstrangetothinkthatweshed.Apartofmewonderedifthat Successfullyunlocked! waswhyJulianhadbeendrawntome quoywhen wefirstmet.Maybe,insomeway,Ireminded himofhissister.
Thats…quiteastory,Isaid,notreallysurewhat else tosay.
1/2 ER020 Yeah,itis,Julianagreed.Heleaned againsta treeaswewalked through the garden,hisarmscrossedoverhischest.IknowhowmanytimesIcaughtmymomcryinginthemiddleofthenight,howmanytimesIsawmydaddrinkingwhenhenormallydidnt.Itchangedallofus.
And whataboutyou?Iasked.Howdidyoufeel? Juliantookadeepbreathbeforeanswering.Well,Iwasstillakidbackthen,soIdidntfullyunderstand whatwasgoingon.Mymomusedtotellmethatmysisterwenton avacationjusttomakemefeelbetter.But,ofcourse,shecouldntkeepupthatlieforever.
Heletoutahumorlesschuckle.Thefirstfewweekswerethehardest.Shewasmybestfriend,andsuddenly,shewasgone.IdidntreallyhaveanyonetotalktosoIfeltreallylonely…untilImetyou.
Hearingthatmademyheartswellalittle.Ihadneverrealizedhow muchofanimpactIdhadonJulianslife.Ialwayssawhim asastrong,reliablefriendtheone whoneverseemedtobeshakenbyanything.Butbeneathallthat,hehadbeencarryingsomuch.seemedtobe shaken byanything.Butb Ismiledathim.ImgladIcould help,evenifIdidntknowit.
Julianshrugged.Youwerejustbeingyourself,butthatwasenough.
Wecontinued walkinginsilence forafewmoments beforeJulian spokeagain.

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Whydontwehopovertoyoursidenow?hesuggested.
Myside?Iasked,abitconfused.
Yeah,hesaid.Theres alotIwanttoknow,too.Sincethehospital,youneveractuallyexplainedwhyyouwerethere.
Hiswords mademepause.He musthavenoticedthestateIwasinthatday,butheneverpressedfor details.Hegavemespace,andnow,hewasfinallyasking.
If Iweretotellhimeverything…wherewouldIeven begin?HedidntreallyknowthefullstoryofAdrianand me.Heknewbitsandpieces,butnotthewholepicture.
Oh,yeah…youreright,Isaidin alowtone,suddenlyfeelinguneasy.
Youdontwanttotalkaboutit?Julianasked,watchingmeclosely.
Ihesitated.Partofmewantedtokeepittomyself,butanotherpartknewthatIcouldn tkeephim inthedark forever.He hadshared somethingpainfulfromhispast,somaybe itwasonlyfairthatIdidthesame.
No,Ido,Isaidaftera moment.Imjustthinkingofwhereto start.
Thismight soundstrangetoyoubecauseI haventtoldyoumuchinalongtime,Iadded.
Juliangavemeasmall nod.Icatchupontopicsreallyfast.

Itookadeepbreath andstartedexplaining everythingthathadhappenedinthepast 2/3 CHAPTER020 few weeks.ItoldhimaboutAdrianscoldness,about how ourmarriagehadnever beenwhat Ithoughtitwas.ItoldhimaboutDoraabouthowshepushedme,aboutthehospitalvisit,aboutthe babyIlostwithout evenknowingIwaspregnant.
Julianlistenedintently,hisexpression darkeningwitheveryword.WhenIfinallyfinished,herubbedhischininthoughtbeforespeaking.
Letmegetthisstraight,hesaid.SothereasonyouwereinthehospitalwasbecauseDora…Adriansloverpushedyou,andyoulostyourchild,whichyou evenknowabout? Yeah…somethinglikethat,Ireplied.
Julianclenchedhisjaw.
Andhashe triedcontactingyousince? No,Iadmitted.Idontthinkheeven wantsmeback.
didnt Julianscoffed.Sowhydidhemarry youinthefirstplaceifheneverlovedyou? Hisquestioncaughtmeoffguard.Ihadntreallythoughtaboutitbefore,notinthoseexactterms.WhydidAdrianmarryme?If henever trulylovedme,thenwhatwasthepointofitall? Ihonestlydontknow,Isaid,myvoicebarelyaboveawhisper.
Julianfrownedbutdidntpush further.
Isighed,runningahandthroughmy hair.Hopefully,oncethingssettledownwiththosestalkers,Ill contactmylawyerand sendAdrianthedivorcepapers.
Juliannodded.Thats probablythe bestthingyoucan do.
Wefellintosilence again,butthistime,itfeltheavier.Therewerestillsomanyunansweredquestions,butfornow,thiswasenough.
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